Loads of Codswallop!!!!!

If only the beach was closer

If only men were more like women

If only I had a coffee and nicotine drip

If only guilt and pride could be assuaged

If only the nightly news made me smile

If only I’d listened to paternal real estate wisdom

If only Jesus had boobs

If only I could turn off my worry gene

If only the sun didn’t dazzle so happily off the pool

If only I had an income

If only I had someone to clean the house

If only I wasn’t obsessed with the past

If only I could hear the creaking of the bed springs

If only Julia Bishop’s glare didn’t remind me of my own

If only Tony Abbott dematerialized

If only I wasn’t so old

If only I could find the key to my imagination

If only the trees didn’t block my view of the mountain

If only the neighbours weren’t so surly

If only I could gag the rambunctious dog

If only my extrovert would come home with me

If only I didn’t have parents with Alzheimers

If only there was some red meat in the fridge

If only I had straighter legs, a smaller nose, whiter teeth …

If only I was someone else I’m confident I’d be a good writer!