Monday, March 5, 2012

On Forks and Futures

Yesterday’s emotional release hangs like a bleak dark cloud around me today.  There's a change in the air and I don't know how to read it.  A couple of days ago it was the anniversary of my mother's death. She was born in the Year of the Pig, a loyal, steadfast woman. She was also a woman of great faith, and I can't help feel some association. I remind myself to be patient. 

It’s not that I’m unhappy with my life, I have all I need and I recently realized when I was going through some old papers that I’ve marked virtually all my desires off my last wish-list.  I have a home by the beach, I’m exercising my writing muscle, I work for an organization that satisfies my desire for service, I’ve had my canines done and they now look more like teeth than broken tree stumps, and I’m relatively financially secure. There’s no bloke on the horizon, yet, but frankly, and this is where my belief system probably acts as a roadblock, they’re mostly hard work, and rather unevolved.  Oh dear, I’m sounding, ah, rather unevolved.  So, what’s missing. In effect, nothing. I’m just restless, insecure, and itching like crazy. Let’s call it my bimonthly spiritual crisis … my replacement menopausal hot flush!

This morning I walked miles up the beach, stripped and had a dip.  It was fricken cold and ultra fricken, mmm, reductive. It’s amazing how an icy bath can make it seem like the cellulite that was once your thighs has simply gone south for autumn! In my altogether I stood facing east, and called to the creator. I implored spirit to guide me, asked for my dreams to be prophetic. I asked that I be graced with the capacity to recognize the signs and symbols that are constantly present on the canvas of life. I promised to keep rehearsing tolerance, to  be kind and compassionate and not be too needy, hmm!

On the long walk back to the surf club I got drenched.  And then, my answer. Someone, in the space it had taken me to walk up the beach and back, had created this astonishingly beautiful, and simple, sand Buddha.

Message received.
Keep your gaze fixed to the east. Have faith.

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